Dear Diary,
by kycampbell100
Summary: Meredith Grey is not well, and is the only one that know about her sickness. She is writing a diary to her daughters so they know who she is even when she is gone. After she is gone they are going to Dr. Derek Shepherd who doesn't even know he is a dad. But when he becomes Chief and Seattle Grace will he find out and try to save Meredith? Hope you enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone.. This is my first Story about MerDer so I hope you enjoy. **

Meredith's P.O.V.

_Dear Diary, _

_I have created you to help my daughters when they grow up and no longer have me. So maybe I should restart. _

_Dear Sigyn and Sutton, _

_I want you to know that I love you so much. You have made me a much better person and you two are the best things that have ever happened to me. You will not receive this until you are sixteen and hopefully you will be with your dad and he will obey the note that is going to be left on this. _

_I am writing this because I want you to know who I am and who I have been. I don't want you two to grow up and have no clue what my life was like or what I am like. So where do I start? _

_I don't want to start to far back about my childhood, which was terrible so I will only give you a brief summary. Ellis Grey has never been fit to be a mom. She has always set her mind to one thing, and that is being the best. She wanted me to be the best too. I was taught that I need to be a cold hearted witch to be the best. So I pushed people away, and I have always been screwed up. _

_Everyone would try to open me up, but would never succeed. That was until your father came into my life. Dr. Derek Shepherd. He was my strength when I didn't have any. When I found out I was pregnant I was freaking out, but I knew that your father would help me through it. The night I was going to tell him he ran up to be and started to apologize. _

_Confusion was the only feeling that came across in my mind. Then a red headed women walked up and introduced herself and your fathers wife. I hated your father so much. I couldn't bare the sight of him. I ended up leaving New York to Seattle Grace. It has been three years since I have seen him in person, but I can still see him every time I look at the both of your. You know you are identical twins, so I am only going to say your looks once. You both have his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. You even have his curl's, but not his hair color. I guess you know what he looks like because you will be living with him after I am gone which isn't to far away from now. _

_You are going to be with me till the day I die. After that Social Services are going to take you to your father and tell him the news. I don't want you both to hate me for not being there for you. I will always be there for you no matter what I will live on in your hearts. Every time you look in the mirror it will almost be like I am looking over you. Well you both have awaken so I am going to end this letter and I will start a new one soon. _

_Your mother _

_Meredith _

I slowly stand up and immediately feel dizzy. I can't hide my sickness much longer. Soon I won't be able to do anything. Then I will need help. A lot of help. I should send the girls to their dads when I can't do anything anymore, but I miss them too much. I couldn't do that. I want them with me.

After the Dizziness wares off I slowly walk down the hall to the lilac room. The room had toys everywhere. They always like to play house and always act like they are the moms. I don't want to interrupt them, but I have to get to work.

"Hey Ladies are you ready to get ready we are going to the daycare center in the hospital." They both nod and pick out their outfits and I help them change.

After the girls are dropped off at daycare I meet up with Cristina.

"Meredith are you feeling okay? You look a little pale," I look at Cristina and nod. I haven't told her about my inoperable tumor yet. No body knows about it except me, myself, and I.

"Yeah I'm fine Cristina. I am just a little tired," I hate lying to my best friend but I know that she is having a few problems of her own. As we are walking down the stairs to the front desk to get charts I start to feel dizzy again and my hand latches onto the railing.

"Okay Mer are you sure you are okay?" I nod my head slowly and continue to walk down the stairs. Before I knew it everything started to feel like Jell-O and I trip and fall. everything turns black and I don't know what is happening.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey I hoped you liked the first chapter.. I hope you enjoy this chapter too! **

Meredith's P.O.V.

When I wake up there is a light shining in my eyes. I start to squeeze them shut and open again trying to get my vision to un blur.

"Hello Meredith," I hear a familiar voice say.

"Hello," I say back. The voice sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on who it is.

Derek's P.O.V (hour before Meredith woke up)

As soon as I get to the hospital and walk in I see one of the doctors collapse and fall down the stairs. I run over to her and immediately know who she is. It's Meredith. My Meredith. The Meredith that left me after she found out about my wife.

"Meredith," I say trying to wake her up. "Do you know what is wrong with her?" I ask the dark haired women Meredith was walking with?

"I don't know. Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I want to get and MRI to make sure everything is okay. She may have hit her head on the stairs and we need to make sure that everything is okay."

Meredith's P.O.V.

"Derek. What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

"That doesn't matter right now. We have to take you down to get and MRI." My eyes went wide. If he took me down he would see my tumor and I am not ready for that yet.

"Derek I am fine. I woke up this morning feeling sick."

"Well you might have hit your head on the stairs we need to check to make sure you are okay."

"As a fellow Neurologist I know I am fine. Don't worry about me." I quickly get up which is a bad idea. I quickly fall, but he catches me.

"Really, Your fine Meredith? What are you not telling me?" I shake my head.

"Nothing. Just go back to New York."

"I can't Meredith I am the new Chief of Surgery here. Plus we need to find out what is wrong with you."

"I'm fine."

"I don't care if you say your fine or not. We are testing you out."

"Look Derek. I know you mean well, but I need to get back to my job. I need to get back to my gi- life." I was about to say girls but I couldn't share it with him quite yet. "How is your wife?"

"We are divorced. If you would have stayed you would have known that."

"How could I have stayed when every thing I experienced at that hospital was a lie."

"Nothing was a lie Meredith. We just had one slight misunderstanding."

"Yeah well that one Misunderstanding was a HUGE misunderstanding. You made me a secret adulterous whore. You tricked me into letting you in my heart only to rip it to shreds just like my mom taught me all men would do."

"If you would only let me explain Meredith."

"It has been three, almost four years I think the explaining time is over." I slowly get up and grab my clothes to change. "I'm not getting that scan done and that is final.

I slowly walk over to the daycare center where Sigyn and Sutton where playing with Tuck.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask the girls. They both nod.

"Mommy when we going to meet daddy?" Sigyn asks

"Probably soon honey. Why what's going on?"

"Tuck sees a daddy," Sutton adds in.

"Well your daddy is here." The two girls started to giggle and jump up and down.

"We see daddy?" they both ask at the same time.

"He's busy," I tell them.

"We see Daddy!" This time they demanded it instead of asked.

"No. We are not seeing daddy yet. Mommy needs a couple more weeks with just you two. Because soon mommy won't have any time left."

"Time left for what?" Sutton asks.

"Who wants ice cream?" Both the girl raised their hands and yelled 'me'. Sigyn grabs my right hand while Sutton grabs my left and we walk outside to my car.

"Are you sure you should be driving," I look over at Christina.

"I'm fine Chris," I say.

"No your not Mer. You know that your not. What are you not telling me."

"Look you have your own stuff to deal with-" Christina interrupts me.

"Look, Mer I am your person. You are my person so spill the beans. Why wouldn't you let baby daddy check your brain?"

"How do you know? Does he know about the girls?"

"No he doesn't know. I only know because he has the same eyes as them."

"Oh can you help me keep it a secret for two more weeks at the most?"

"Only if you tell me what is going on with you," I take a deep breath in.

"Fine you want to know what is wrong. I have an inoperable brain tumor and I only have about two months tops to live. I have known for the past six months, but I haven't told anyone." I start sobbing and Tears threaten Christina's eyes. "I am going to die Chris. I have to leave my girl's behind. So they are going to be sent off with Derek after I die. I'm scared Chris. What is going to happen to them. Are they going to resent me when they are older for not being their?"

"Tell Derek and let him operate."

"What? I am pouring my heart out to you and you are telling me to get an inoperable surgery done."

"look I researched him. He has been known to get out inoperable tumors. Let him fix you. Live a life with your daughters." I shake my head.

"I have to go Christina. Have fun at work."

"You shouldn't be driving with a tumor you know. You are putting you and your daughters at a huge risk for a car wreck."

"We will be fine Chris, just go inside and don't tell anyone."

"I can't promise you that Mer. I want you to live. I don't want to let go of my Person."

"Just give me a couple weeks that is all I need Chris. Two more weeks."

"Fine. Only two more weeks after that. If you don't tell anyone I will."

"Deal. Now I have to get home. By Chris."

"By Mer." I hop into my car and drive off.

Christina's P.O.V.

When I found an empty on call room I lay down on one of the many beds and start to sob. My person is dying. I can't do anything about it either. Well at least for another two weeks. What am I suppose to do watch her suffer. I can't let her operate for the next two weeks either. That is too dangerous. There is no way she can hide this for two weeks. There is no way she can hide the twins for two weeks either. This is not going to unfold that well. She digging herself a deeper hole as we speak. I hope she can get out it before she is buried alive.


End file.
